1. If you insist that your children say “please” and “thank you” to the server, do the same yourself. Children learn by example.

2. If your server asks you, “Will that be a large or a small?” Don’t say “medium”…it makes her want to reach over and just shake you.

3. Don’t put your feet up on the furniture. You’re a “guest” and should behave as such. You wouldn’t do that when visiting at someone’s home so don’t do it in a restaurant. It damages the furniture and it’s rude.

4. Don’t blow your nose at your table and leave the napkins for the server. I’m sure the customers close by don’t appreciate it and the server certainly doesn’t.

5. If you say something in jest like, “Well, there goes your tip.” Expect an answer such as, “Well, I didn’t need that nickel anyway.”

6. If the server comes to your table and asks if you want coffee, or some such beverage, don’t go into a long drawn out explanation about why you can’t have coffee and what the doctor said. Sorry, but the server doesn’t know you and doesn’t really give a hoot about your latest diagnosis. She’s there for a beverage order and probably does not have time to chat.

7. When the server comes to your table after the order is served to see if everything is alright, tell her if something is wrong. Don’t wait until you get up to the cash register and complain to the cashier when odds are your server could have corrected it if you had just told her. (personally, I skipped “Mind Reading 101”)

8. If you tell the server that you are ready to order don’t make her stand around while you try and coax and order out of a two year old. Order for them…you know what they’ll eat. At that age they don’t need to learn how to order in a restaurant.

9. If you bring your children into a restaurant, keep them with you. It’s dangerous to let them roam around on their own. It’s also very annoying to have them pestering the other guests.

10. If you are at an “all you can eat” buffet, or ordering a beverage that has free refills…it is ALL ONE PERSON CAN EAT OR DRINK. It is not meant for you to share.

11. Cell phones – I wanted to include them but just wasn’t sure which annoying aspect to cover. Alright, here goes. If you are in a restaurant and find it necessary to talk on your cell phone, please don’t speak so loudly that it disturbs everyone around you. If your connection is so bad that you feel the need to raise your voice…hang up and try another connection…or go outside.

12. Pay close attention – If you say, “I would like to substitute bacon for sausage”…you have ordered bacon. If you say, “I would like to substitute bacon with sausage…you have ordered sausage. One simple word changes the entire meaning.

13. Finally...you do NOT like your eggs over easy. You like your eggs "over medium". Please don't say, "I don't want snotty eggs." UGH